Home Alone: Rather Different When You're the Grownup

Home Alone came out in 1990, meaning I was five-almost-six, aka the perfect age to see it.  The other day, I watched Home Alone for the first time in years, and definitely for the first time as an adult.  It still holds up, although my perspective has shifted a bit.



15 Things I noticed watching Home Alone as an adult:

1) I vaguely remember my parents not loving this movie because of all the back-talk from the kids.  As an adult, I can confidently say HOLY SHIT THOSE KIDS ARE RUDE.

2) Kevin's dad is astonishingly incompetent as a person, much less a parent.  (Can he do ANYTHING without his wife telling him too?  It doesn't appear so).

3) You know that part where Kevin is being sent to bed in the attic, and he tries a last-ditch apology to his mom?  I remember thinking, "Wow, his mom is SO MEAN she didn't even accept his apology" and now I'm like, "YEAH NICE TRY YOU LITTLE BRAT GO TO BED."

4) "Look what you did, you little jerk," is still part of my lexicon, complete with Uncle Frank's inflection.

5)  Uncle Frank is a jackass.

7) Also, Buzz and the rest of the siblings are spectacularly awful.  No wonder Kevin hates his family.

8) Kevin is no innocent in this.  I'd probably leave him behind too.

9) What family dresses their daughters in DRESSES AND TIGHTS for a transatlantic flight?  They're going to be on a plane for 9+ hours, they don't need to look nice.  They need to be able to pee without adult assistance.

10)  Even if Kevin is the youngest, those kids are too young to be sitting by themselves in coach with their parents in first class.  That's a dick move, Mr. and Mrs. McCallister.  Everyone else on the plane officially hates you.

11) I never understood why they were trying to get EVERYONE on a flight back to Chicago.  Clearly, it would be easier to just find ONE seat, not fifteen.  This isn't exactly a Gordian knot, McCallisters.

12)  There's an article on the internet by a doctor detailing all the injuries Kevin inflicts upon the Wet Bandits.  It really makes the movie take a different tone when you realize it's actually about an eight year old who tortures two grown men to death.

13) John Candy's midwest accent is a thing of perfection.  Give me two beers and put me in a room with a bunch of my high school friends and that's exactly how I sound.

14) And Sheboygan, WI is EXACTLY where you'd sell 700 copies of a polka album.

15)  I like that Old Man Marley rescues Kevin-- from two grown men who are trying to BITE OFF HIS FINGER-- and then he doesn't even check to see if Kevin's parents are home.  I don't know about you, but even as a recluse if I rescued an eight year old from that sort of trauma I'd probably want to talk to his mom for a second.


BONUS: That's still the definitive version of Carol of the Bells in my head.  And the music still means Christmas to me.  Well played, John Williams.  Well played.

Sons of Anarchy: Biker Shakespeare

If you've ever wanted to see Shakespeare with a side of motorcycles and excessive violence, boy oh boy do I have the show for you.  Sons of Anarchy follows the adventures of a motorcycle gang (excuse me, motorcycle "club") in North-Central California, but it's also so much more than that.  It's about family and secrets and politics and a little bit about a monarchy but I'll get to that.  Also, lots of hugging.  So. Much. Hugging.  More hugging than you can possibly believe.  Apparently, bikers are big on hugs and it's adorable.

A note: I'm only through the fifth season, and the sixth season is currently airing.  But don't worry about spoilers, because I'll keep this review confined to the characters and just a little bit of the first season.