Firefly: Big Damn Heroes

Good lord.  Could there BE a more perfect show?  Probably, but I haven't seen it and I don't believe it.  Firefly has everything: wisecracks, spaceships, gunfights, and a weirdly libertarian message that I do my best to ignore.  I distinctly remember seeing an episode or two when it first aired, and thinking "Man, this would be a great movie, but I have NO IDEA what is going on."  Turns out, this is because Fox aired the episodes out of order.  Why?  Because fuck you, that's why.




The basic plot is that Captain Mal Reynolds and his trusty crew are semi-legit and semi-criminal, and they live on the Serenity, a Firefly-class spaceship.  It takes the idea of a "space western" incredibly seriously, so they are pretty much cowboys in outer space.  Captain Mal and First Mate Zoe fought in a war against "The Alliance," an interplanetary coalition that is corrupt and wealthy, while the "Independents" are the poor, outer-rim planets.  There's a whole lot of politics and Joss Whedon-style mistrust of large corporations, but the salient point is: planets in this universe can be "terraformed" into livable planets, but it works better on some than on others.  Hence, a sharply divided universe of haves and have-nots.  Mal can be a real sanctimonious prick about this fact.  Anyway, the crew of the Serenity flies the galaxy looking for work, be it smuggling or honest trading.  The language is a bit stiff and a weird combination of pseudo-nineteenth century phrasing and made up slang, but you get used to it.  Also, despite the complete lack of actual Asian people, apparently China became so dominant that people speak in English but swear in Chinese.  So, there's that.  It only lasted for one season, but through the power of nerds on the internet complaining incessantly, they eventually got a movie (Serenity) to tie up some loose ends.


Captain Tightpants himself, Mal Reynolds:

Remember in my LOST post how I said I want to name a son Desmond?
I *also* would like to name a son Malcolm, and then buy them shirts that say "Big Damn Heroes, Sir" and"Not Penny's Boat."  The twist would be I'd make Desmond
wear the Big Damn Heroes shirt, because I am an asshole.

This is the second role Nathan Fillion was born to play, right after Captain Hammer.  Captain Mal is essentially Han Solo, if Han started out caring very deeply about politics and then got very disillusioned.  He's got his own moral code that he never breaks, and he'll protect his crew to his dying breath, if necessary.  Fun fact: apparently, Joss Whedon had written him as far more melancholy, but Fox told him the lead needed to not be so mopey.  This is the one case where Fox was right about this show.  Mal is witty, kind-hearted but ruthless, and easy on the eyes.  O Captain, my Captain, INDEED.


Zoe Washburn, First Mate and Goddess of Ass-Kicking

She is quite possibly the world's most perfect woman.

So, here's where I completely lose it and go full-on Whedon fangirl.  Consider yourself warned.  ZOE IS THE GREATEST.  She's taciturn, inscrutable, loyal, badass, and Mal's best goddamn friend in the universe.  What I LOVE about Zoe-- and consequently, her friendship with Mal-- is two fold: 1) She is unquestionably his equal in every way, and pretty clearly a superior shot.  You get the sense that the only reason Mal is captain instead of her is that he's way more of a people person.  2) She's not the best friend who is secretly in love with him.  In fact, there is zero sexual tension between her and Mal, and she's happily married to the nerdy pilot.  The second reason is huge for me, since I get really, really sick of this idea that men and women can't be friends without sexual tension.  The only way that's true is if you think people are mindless horndogs, completely incapable of seeing someone of the opposite sex as more than just their genitals.  Mal and Zoe are proof that there can be a compelling relationship between a man and a woman without sexual tension.  Finally, Zoe gets my favorite line in the show:
Mal: "Looks like we got here just in the knick of time.  What does that make us, Zoe?"
Zoe: "Big damn heroes, sir."


Wash, Zoe's husband and a leaf on the wind:

Yeah, if you've seen Serenity you know what I mean by that.  SORRY.

Wash is the pilot of Serenity, and Joss Whedon's omnipresent self-substitute.  He's witty, nerdy, and not too great in a firefight, although he is good at flying under pressure.  Wash and Zoe have a pretty good marriage, all things considered.  He's talkative and emotional where Zoe is reticent and stone-faced, but he's not wimpy or weak.  He's just a nerd who talks to much and who is wildly in love with his "warrior woman" wife.  Mostly, Wash provides much needed comic relief.


Kaylee

She is seriously the cutest.

Aww, Kaylee.  Her friendship with Mal is another great example of male-female friendship without sexual tension, although they are far more big brother-little sister than Mal and Zoe.  Kaylee is the ship's mechanic, and thanks to Joss Whedon being one of the only self-proclaimed male feminists writing today, Kaylee gets to love machines *and* girly things like pretty dresses.  It shouldn't be so rare today, but it is-- a lesser show would have made Kaylee a hard-edged tomboy (like Zoe, who is hard edged but more than a stereotype) but Firefly lets her be a girl and a competent mechanic.  Kaylee's nursing a serious crush on Simon, and I can't say I blame her.


Jayne.

I'll be in my bunk.

God, I love Jayne.  I love his gross jokes, his bluntness, and the fact that he has a favorite gun and her name is Vera.  He also gave us the very useful "Do you understand what the chain of command is?  It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin* command."  Jayne's the muscle on Serenity, and the most likely to sell you out to the authorities if it means getting paid.  I like the tension that Jayne brings to the show, making the crew of the Serenity a little less of a makeshift family and a little more a collection of people who need each other but don't necessarily like each other all the time.  Also, Jayne is terrified of River, which never fails to make me laugh.

*In addition to Chinese swears, there's weird, made up ones too.


Inara

I know the actress is on Homeland now and all respectable, but every time I see
her at an awards ceremony I'm all "INARA GIRL WHAT YOU BEEN UP TO?"

Inara is a "registered Companion," which is a fancy way of saying she's a hooker.  Only in this universe, being a Companion is a high status job, so Inara being on the Serenity is sort of an anomaly.  Mal is desperately in love with Inara (and she with him) but he shows it by calling her a whore and bickering with her incessantly.  Inara is nice, although she's kind of a cipher.  I think we'd know more about her if there were more seasons, but Fox feeds on the tears of nerds, so we don't.


Shepherd Book

Those eyes are looking right into your soul.
Don't deny it.

Shepherd Book is a monk/priest of some sort, there to provide a contrast with Mal's staunch atheism.  (Spoiler alert: Mal lost his faith when he lost the war).  He's calm and has a SECRET PAST that is never satisfyingly explained, and mostly exists to be the voice of reason and morality.  River is terrified of his hair.


Simon Tam

I still think "Hi my name is Simon, and I like to do drawings," whenever
I see the name Simon.  And that song will now be stuck in your head the rest of the
day, so you're welcome.

Simon is a doctor from a central (meaning Alliance) planet.  His family is very wealthy, but he's on the run with his genius sister, whom he helped escape from an Alliance facility that was torturing her (it's a long story, mostly explained in Serenity).  He is a superb big brother, despite River's....eccentricities.  Like Inara, I think we'd learn more about him if there were more seasons, but alas, we don't.  Simon's number one mission is to protect his little sister, and he's an all around sweetie, even if he's a bit of a snob.  I don't fault Kaylee for crushing on him.


River Tam

This lady is now Joss Whedon's go-to damaged genius.
She's great at it, though.

River represents a problematic form of Joss Whedon's feminism: teeny tiny women who are secretly capable of beating up really big guys.  Some people claim that his weakness for stereotypically pretty and thin women as secret badasses completely invalidates any feminist credentials.  I say, shut it, people. There's very few writers who write well-rounded female characters who have motives and lives outside of men, and even fewer self-proclaimed feminist men writing these days.  So I'll take what I can get, okay?**  It's a valid criticism, but I think everything else Joss Whedon has done for feminism in pop culture (such as not acting like "feminist" is a bad word, and so help me god if anyone starts a sentence with "I'm not a feminist, but [feminist idea]" I will rain fiery feminist death down upon them from the skies) gives him a pass on this one thing.  Anyway, River is a mentally damaged genius who is alternately useful and dangerous to the Serenity crew.  She's also real pretty.  Jayne is terrified of her, Kaylee and Inara adore her, and the rest of the crew is more mixed about her but understands that keeping her safe is the right thing to do.  She's a wild card, that's for sure.

**As Joss Whedon says, "Why do I write such strong female characters?  Because you keep asking me that question."



Verdict: Perfectly Awesome.  No, seriously.  WATCH IT NOW.