Camelot vs. Merlin: In which I review two shows, one I watched a year ago and the other I've watched for 15 episodes

First, a disclaimer.  As you can see from the title of this post, this is going to be a little ad hoc.  I watched Camelot when it was still on Netflix Instant (I think it was originally on Starz?  Maybe Showtime?), which was at least a year ago, and I really didn't like it enough to rewatch it for this, so I'm a little hazy on the details.  I've also only watched maybe 15 episodes of Merlin so far, so keep that in mind as well.  I plan on judging the shows in head to head combat on their various merits, interpretations of characters, and presence of James Purefoy.  Without further ado, Camelot vs. Merlin: a Battle Royale between two kind of crappy King Arthur shows.





Summaries:

Camelot:  This show takes the usual premium cable gritty-realism-and-tits angle, and is super light on humor.  It takes its job of telling the myth of Camelot as VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS, which means very nice sets, a decent amount of attention to costumes and detail, and a lot of long speeches.  Overall it's sort of joyless, although there are a few redeeming qualities that I'll get to in a minute.

Merlin: Merlin could not be more different from Camelot.  It's even more low-stakes than Legend of the Seeker, and the general production values, CGI quality, and acting abilities of the leads give the impression of watching a particularly plucky 5th grade play.  The middling quality makes it endearing though, as you root for these barely fleshed out characters to break the curse/win the fight/conquer whatever the plot of the week happens to be (Protip: the unexplained phenomenon happening?  It's caused by magic.  IT'S ALWAYS CAUSED BY MAGIC).  Merlin's set leaves a lot to be desired though, as the castle is A) super clean, like, I'm pretty sure those bricks are white posterboard, and B) has an anachronistic Renaissance-esque inner courtyard.  The costumes are also a little...modern?  I mean, I'm pretty sure some of Morgana's gowns wouldn't look out of place at a suburban prom.  It's weird, but but also weirdly charming.

Character of Arthur:

Camelot:  Arthur is played by this guy, who was also cast as Grindelwald in the last Harry Potter movies (and is engaged to Ginny in real life, so good work, dude).

Arthur only recently began to grow
facial hair.  He's very proud.

I actually remember almost nothing about his King Arthur though, which is not a good sign.  I can practically recite entire SNL skits from 1999, so if you make no impression whatsoever on my memory, you're pretty mediocre.  Sorry, Grindelwald.

Merlin:  Arthur is this dude, whose face is unfortunately eminently punchable.

He looks like a villain on The OC.

I sort of want to hate him, but he's reasonably charming and sells the "future king" thing pretty well.  I'm a little unsure of what exactly he does all day, as he appears to be in charge of...training the army?  That's only 10 guys? I don't get it, and he does this weird spin-swing thing with his sword going into every stupid fight he has, and it looks cool but is probably wildly inefficient.  Also, while google image searching for Camelot's Arthur, this guy showed up a ton, which I found hilarious.  The internet has clearly voted.

Advantage:  Merlin, by a hair.


Character of Merlin:

Camelot:  Played by none other than Voldemort the Lesser (Joseph Fiennes), this Merlin is INSANE and AWESOME.

It's entirely possible this isn't even from
Camelot, but it pretty much sums him up.

 He's constantly yelling, shouting, and brooding, and I'm pretty sure at one point he locked himself in a basement while freaking out and made a web of connections that looked like it belonged to a serial killer.  I don't remember why he did that, but it was great.  Everyone else is sort of boring (save one), but Fiennes as Merlin is excellent in an unintentionally campy sense.

Merlin:  Oh, honey: those EARS.

He always wears this scarf, and presumably
really likes this band you've probably never heard
of and drinks a lot of PBR.
What I'm saying is Merlin looks like a hipster.

This Merlin is supposed to be naive and honest and get into adorable scrapes, but mostly he comes across as sort of an idiot.  The big plot point here is that magic has been outlawed in Camelot and Merlin's a sorcerer, so he has to keep that hidden.  Unfortunately for Merlin, he's constantly getting himself into situations where magic is the only solution, and then his eyes glow when he does magic, as if I couldn't understand he was doing magic from the floating swords, SHOW.

Advantage: Camelot, by an entire crazy Joseph Fiennes.


Character of Guinevere:

Camelot:  This pretty lady is Guinevere in Camelot, and I can barely remember her character either.  Since it's premium cable though, I'm reasonably sure I've seen her boobs.

I had to pick a photo with the guy playing Arthur,
because I literally could not remember what she looked like,
and this is the only way I'm sure I have the right blonde lady.*

*Google images has Jennifer Love Hewitt showing up in semi-medieval clothes when you search "Camelot Guinevere."  What on earth is that from, AND HOW CAN I SEE IT?


Merlin:  She goes by Gwen, mostly, and her only character trait thus far seems to be "nice."

She isn't blonde, or even white!  That alone
puts her in the lead.

She's also the daughter of a blacksmith and they are clearly playing up a Merlin-Gwen romance, so I'm really confused how she's going to end up married to a king and also being a heartbreaker who runs away with Lancelot.
             Subcategory to Gwen:  Lancelot showed up for one episode, had a few "moments" with Gwen, and then left to "prove" himself as a knight.  There wouldn't be any problem with this, except Lancelot showed up in Camelot as a poor man, having "trained his whole life" to be a knight-- only to find that the "First Rule of Camelot" is that you must be a nobleman to be a knight.  Uh, Lancelot?  THAT'S SORT OF A HUGE OVERSIGHT ON YOUR PART.

I think by "prove himself as a knight" he actually meant
"model for the covers of romance novels."

Advantage:  Merlin, even if Lancelot is a moron.


Character of Morgana:

Camelot:  Like Joseph Fiennes, Eva Green is completely over-the-top insane in this show, and I LOVE IT.

According to this photo, the show was on Starz.
The more you know!

Really, if Camelot had just been Merlin and Morgana plotting against each other and then raging in a totally unhinged manner when things went awry, Camelot would win this battle royale easily.  Unfortunately, it wasn't, so it sort of sucked.


Merlin:  She's fine, although I spend most of my time listening for the actress' Irish accent to slip through (mostly on words like "here" or "about").

She's waiting for her date to pick her up
and take her to Olive Garden before meeting
at a friend's house for pre-prom pictures.

 She definitely has potential to be interesting, and seems to have a thing for Arthur-- and she's his father's "ward," so unless I missed something, I don't think they're related.  Yay for less incest than Game of Thrones!

Advantage: Camelot, because crazy Eva Green is better than everyone else, ever.


Lightning Round:  wherein I judge Camelot and Merlin on totally arbitrary things.

Presence of James Purefoy:

This is from Rome, but it says everything you ever needed to
know about this man.

Some might say "Whether or not James Purefoy is in a show is immaterial to its overall quality," and to those people I say, YOU'RE WRONG. For the uninitiated, James Purefoy is a well respected* actor who also has a habit of chewing the living daylights out of any unattended scenery.  He is basically camp in human form, and his presence automatically makes any show 1000x better.  


*I'm assuming.  He was in Rome, after all, and they don't let just *anyone* be on joint BBC-HBO productions.

Camelot:  He's only there for the first episode or two (boo!) but he's there.

Merlin:  He's not on it, ever.  FOR SHAME, MERLIN.

Advantage:  Camelot, clearly.



Presence of actors you recognize from the 90s:

Camelot:  Igraine (Arthur's mother) is played by Claire Forlani.

She just realized where her career went.

I found this to be distracting, as every time I saw her I thought, "Remember when she was in that movie with Freddie Prinze, Jr.?  What happened to Freddie Prinze, Jr.?  He was everywhere for a while, and now he's nowhere."

Merlin:  Giles!

He's Uther, Arthur's father, but mostly he's just Giles.

Uther sort of sucks most of the time, but then other times he says totally rational things (such as: Arthur, when you're king, you can't cry about *every* peasant who gets the plague) that are clearly supposed to show how COLD he is, but are probably good advice for a future king.

Advantage:  Merlin, because Giles doesn't make me think of Freddie Prinze, Jr. and his Keanu Reeves-ish face and acting skills.



Presence of Gendry Waters:

Sure, I could use a different picture.
But I won't and you can't make me.

Camelot: FAIL.

Merlin:  Gendry!  But then he dies, so boo.

Advantage:  Merlin, I guess. (Also, spoiler alert for an early episode? Sorry.  But you see it coming a mile away).


Overall advantage:  Merlin, despite it's appalling lack of James Purefoy, mostly because it doesn't take itself so goddamn SERIOUSLY.  (However, they really need to work on the CGI, and maybe make it look like the swords are getting within spitting distance of whatever magical creature they're fighting, because right now it looks ridiculous.)  Also, because the cast took this photo:

I don't know what's happening here, and I don't want to know.
I like it better that way.