Now, mostly I'm talking about Law and Order here (in all its incarnations) because that's the show I grew up watching. I used to beg to stay up late to be able to watch it, because to 9 year old me, Law and Order was the height of sophistication. I've grown up now and can see it for the formulaic mess that it actually is, but that has not lessened my love for it. I have, however, noticed a few things that I wish Law and Order would just stop-- and as I've branched out into other crime dramas, I've realized that Law and Order isn't alone it it's transgressions. Behold:
Things cop shows have just GOT to stop doing.
1) Cops getting angry when the FBI shows up to take over their case. Inevitably, the hero cops will break some rules to get around that stuffy FBI and crack the case. Just once, I'd like the FBI to roll in and announce they're taking over, and have the squad room breathe a sigh of relief and decide to just go get drinks instead.
2) Cops and lawyers that are so dedicated to their jobs they can't possibly have functional relationships, because WHAT IF SOMEONE GETS MURDERED? There's only 5 detectives in all of Manhattan, apparently. I get that it probably makes writing the shows easier if no one is able to function as an adult, because that opens up a lot of avenues for dating/sexual tension/marital problems. But I would appreciate it if there was a show where most cops and lawyers are happily married/partnered off/dating normally, because this shit is getting old, y'all.
3) Cops getting angry at doctors/therapists/priests who won't break confidentiality. Of *course* they won't break confidentiality, it's against the rules of their profession. Why are you continually surprised that they won't just tell you confidential information without a warrant? And when they say "I'll tell you if you get a warrant" why are you so angry that you have to get one? Getting a warrant is your FREAKING JOB. Stop acting like they're in favor of child murderer-rapists if they ask you to do your job.
4) Cops and lawyers arguing after the cops blatantly ignored procedure to procure evidence, but the cops somehow feel justified because "we know he did it." Maybe I'm biased because I'm married to a lawyer, but if you actually want someone to do time, your ducks need to be in a row. No, you can't keep talking to someone once they ask for a lawyer, and if you do, whatever you find out *should* be inadmissible. Part of the bedrock of society is that cops don't have unlimited powers, and everyone has the right to due process, even bad people. I think my biggest problem with this trope is it asks the viewer to sympathize with people who are flagrantly ignoring the Constitution because of a vague notion of "justice."
Corollary A: The evil defense lawyer who tries to get a child murderer-rapist off scott-free because they love money and don't care about the children and apparently want all the children in the world to be raped and murdered. Newsflash: a defense attorney's job isn't to get guilty people off, but to ensure that their client has a fair trial, and that no one, say, INTERVIEWED THEM WITHOUT THEIR LAWYER PRESENT EVEN THOUGH THEY ASKED FOR A LAWYER, COPS. It's not the lawyer's fault that you didn't do your job correctly, and if cops actually do their job correctly, the lawyer won't be the cops' antagonist.
Corollary B: Prosecutors do not work for cops, nor do they work that closely with them.
5) Criminal Minds specific: Stop saying "he's devolving." That doesn't mean anything. Also, it's just not humanly possible to have that many serial killers operating in the US. We'd all be dead.
6) CSI specific: Oh my god, that's not how science works. Just stop.
7) CSI specific #2: Guess who doesn't have state-of-the-art equipment and computers? Police stations.
8) CSI specific #3: Why are the forensic scientists also interviewing suspects? That makes no sense.
9) Cold Case specific: Fix this lady's hair, because it's atrocious:
She must have done something
horrible to her stylist.
My favorite thing that needs to stop is the women doing autopsies with their beautifully styled, ever so long hair, down. Sure, it doesn't matter if one of their hairs gets in there, the person is dead, who needs uncontaminated evidence.
ReplyDeleteYou know how much I hate cop/lawyer shows. But what if there was a cop show called "Hot Cops," like in "Arrested Development." I would watch that in a heartbeat.
ReplyDeleteAlso Katie, did you ever stop to think that maybe these female coroners are lonely? Who else can they get dressed up for if they work all the time? "Hello, Mr. D.O.A. do you like my hair? I did it for you..."
Katie: I totally agree. I also hate it when female cops start running after people in heels and without their hair pulled back. It's ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteAnd Bun, I would also watch Hot Cops, but I wouldn't give up law and order for it.
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ReplyDeleteRe: #6
ReplyDeletehttp://www.xkcd.com/683/
God, I love that comic. It's so TRUE. I'd give anything for even one episode where the scientists look at cops and go, "This isn't magic. It's red paint, and that's about all I've got."
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