Game of Thrones Part 2: At least this will be shorter than the books

This post will cover the characters I should mention, even though I only sort of care what happens to them, and miscellaneous characters that I like enough to mention but aren't my total faves.

Once again, I've read all the books, and after you have it's sort of hard to talk about the show like you haven't.  So to avoid spoilers, here's the plan: I will make vague references to the books and future character arcs, and then include footnote explanations.  If you don't want to be spoiled for any of the books or future seasons, don't read the footnotes.  However, I will also assume you've seen both seasons (even though HBO suuuuucks when it comes to making this show available) so if you haven't finished second season, maybe wait until you have to read this post.





First up, Bran Stark.

Business in the front, party in the back.

Now, maybe I'm being a little harsh here.  There's nothing *wrong* with Bran's character, per se, he just hasn't had much to do besides getting pushed out a window by Jaime Lannister and breaking my heart when Ser Rodrik was executed.  (1)  I do like Hodor and Osha, though, so he gets some points just for being around those two.


Next, Daenerys Targaryen.

MAH BABY!  MAH BABY!

Oh, whoops.  Wrong person.

MAH DRAGONS!  MAH DRAGONS!

There we go.  That's her.

Again, I'm probably being a little unfair.  Dany is a phenomenal character, although her whole "I love Khal Drogo sooooo much" bit seems a little Stockholm Syndrome-y for my taste.  Still, she's a total badass, and managed to hatch dragons from a funeral pyre *and* get out from under her brother's crazy thumb.  It's not her fault that her storyline is so segregated from the one in Westeros, but I wish she had more to do second season other than walk around Qarth ranting about her dragons and how she's "the blood of the dragon."  We get it, sweetheart, your family's emblem is the dragon, you have dragons, your dragons were stolen and you want them back, you'll have your vengeance,  etc.


Renly and Stannis Baratheon:

I'm the handsome one.

I'm the angry, religious one.

Renly, we hardly knew ye.  You were handsome and gay, and HBO was weirdly squeamish about showing your sex scenes, especially when compared to the fake-lesbians-in-a-brothel scene in first season.  Still, you weren't the best but you also weren't the worst, which in Westeros is saying something.  Your boyfriend Loras is pretty cute, though.

Stannis: Yeah, yeah, you have the best claim to the throne, and you have a sorceress who can give birth to shadow babies that assassinate your younger brother.  (That was really messed up, you know.)  However, I admire your determination, and like your baby brother, you aren't the best but you certainly aren't the worst.


The Tyrells:

Margaery kept licking her stitches.

"Stick that lip out any farther and

a bird will perch on it." --My mom

Mostly, these two were introduced because they're more important later on.  I do like scheming Margaery, even if Natalie Dormer is basically doing a riff on Anne Bolyen (whom she played on The Tudors, which: THAT SHOW).  I think Loras could have a bit more spunk, but his constant pouting is kind of adorable.  So: they exist.  Moving on.


I think that's it for "whatever, they exist too" characters.


Now, for the first annual Westeros Awards:


Best Mom: Catelyn Stark

Now we know where Sansa gets her great hair.

Catelyn is a character you don't see too often in fantasy: a smart, capable woman who does not transgress social mores.  Usually, women in fantasy are portrayed as 1) damsels in distress (Sansa), 2) warrior princesses (Arya), or 3) conniving sluts (Cersei).  Now, George R. R. Martin is pretty good at deconstructing these tropes, but I really appreciate that Catelyn is allowed to be a strong and intelligent woman without taking on traditionally masculine characteristics and still operating within her accepted gender role.  This is not to say that transgressing boundaries is bad, but rather that a heroic woman who does not upend the social system is pretty rare in this type of story.  Good work, Catelyn.


Pedobear's Stamp of Approval:  Littlefinger

Don't mind me, I'm just hitting on a 

14 year old girl who just happens to be 

the spitting image of my childhood crush.

Littlefinger, you're gross and I hate you.  The end.


Most Sympathetic Villain:  Theon Greyjoy

Fun fact: This song is about him.

Okay, this might be a little controversial, as it's well established that Theon sucks.  He's a whiny, cowardly, double-crossing kid-murderer.  But the combination of writing and acting (Lily Allen's little brother!  Who knew?) has managed to make this muling piece of crap into an achingly pathetic lost little boy.  Theon's "I was your boy!  And you gave me away!" monologue was heartbreaking, and you could basically watch him lose his way over the course of second season (2).  It doesn't make Theon a not-shitty person, but it does humanize him.


Best Abs:  Gendry Waters

This one's for the cheap seats.

Thanks, HBO.





Spoiler-y footnotes:
(1) Bran doesn't have much to do in the books, either: after he leaves Winterfell in the 2nd book, he goes looking for the "Three Eyed Crow" from his dreams.  You know when he finds the Crow?  HALFWAY THROUGH THE FIFTH BOOK.  It's sort of tedious, and very "Hobbits walking to Mordor."  George R. R. Martin, you need a better editor.

(2)  OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENS TO THEON IS AWFUL.  His chapters in A Dance With Dragons are disgusting and heartwrenching and oh my god, poor Theon.  I never thought I'd say that after the shit he pulled at Winterfell, but there you go.