Game of Thrones: Mean Girls with beheadings

They would never cancel Game of Thrones!  It's a cross over hit!  It's not just for fantasy enthusiasts-- they tell human stories in a fantasy world."
                                                                         --Ben Wyatt, Parks and Rec.


Note: I've read all the books, and once you have it's sort of hard to talk about the show like you haven't.  So to avoid spoilers, here's the plan: I will make vague references to the books and future character arcs, and then include footnote explanations.  If you don't want to be spoiled for any of the books or future seasons, don't read the footnotes.  However, I will also assume you've seen both seasons (even though HBO suuuuucks when it comes to making this show available) so if you haven't finished second season, maybe wait until you have to read this post.

Note #2:  So I started typing this, and realized that it would be crazy-long if I talked about *everything* I wanted to cover.  So, I'll do this in a series of three: today, season one and current favorites, then "the mehs" or characters I feel obligated to mention but don't care that much about, and ending with "upcoming favorites," which could also be titled "This post is going to get very spoilery, very fast."


So: Game of Thrones. If you haven't watched it yet, YOU SHOULD. (Except for you, Mom and Dad, because it's really gory and depressing, and I don't think you'd like it.)  But for the rest of you, put that shit at the top of your Netflix queue, like, yesterday.  It's a hard show to summarize, but basically it's a medieval world based on the War of the Roses, with dragons.  And since it's HBO: a lot, a lot of boobs.  Like Ben Wyatt said, it tells human stories in a fantasy setting-- if you consider incest, betrayal, and incomprehensible political machinations to be "human stories," which I think is debatable.  (Explanatory note:  The Seven Kingdoms are on the continent of Westeros, which looks like England flipped on a vertical axis but is actually the size of South America.  That's why it takes so goddamn long to get places).  There are four main families playing "the game of thrones:"  the honorable-to-a-fault Starks, the wealthy, scheming, and occasionally incestuous Lannisters, the boring and sometimes gay Baratheons, and the insane and totally inbred Targaryens.  The Starks, Lannisters, and Baratheons are fighting over the right to rule Westeros, while the last living Targaryen wanders around the desert on a different continent with the only living dragons in the world.  There's also an imminent ice-zombie invasion gathering in the north, so there's, you know, a lot going on.  I struggled with how to write this, because it's hard to make fun of this show-- it's just. so. good.  Then I realized I can still make fun of the characters and their stupid choices, and I was back in business.

Season One Favorites:

Ned Stark:

You would, Ned.

I don't have much to say about Ned-- I mostly just wanted to use this picture.  Ned Stark, I love you, but you're a moron.

Khal Drogo:

Hello, I'm an uncomfortable

 racial stereotype.

I also don't have too much to say about Khal Drogo, although I think Jason Momoa did a great job with a difficult character.  I mean, he's raping a main character in the first episode (sure, they're married and it's "expected of her," but it's still awful) so he's sort of hard to like.  Still, Drogo's main purpose is as a badass, in which case: mission accomplished.  Also, we should give Momoa a hand for the amount of pushups he clearly had to do.

Viserys Targaryen:

My face is just naturally creepy, okay?

Oh, Viserys.  YOU SO CRAZY.  And not adorable crazy, but totally and completely nuts, in a way that's still compelling to watch.  You also win for best death in the first season, because whoa, that was intense, even for this series.  Also, I wanted an excuse to use this meme, which is hilarious.

Current Favorites:

All the Stark kids, except for Bran (sorry Bran.)

Robb Stark:

There are literally thousands of photos of

this guy looking crazy-handsome.

Honestly, Robb is only a so-so character for me.  He's honest and noble like his dad, and his storyline as a boy king struggling with his duties is moderately compelling, but when all is said and done, there's not much to him.  But when you have a face like that, you get to be as boring as you want.

Jon Snow:

Hands down, the best hair in Westeros.

Ned Stark's bastard son, (1) Jon Snow hasn't done much other than join the celibate warriors in the Night's Watch, but I love him and his great hair, constant emo-face be damned.  If this were real life, I'd probably roll my eyes at him and make a joke about listening to way too much Dashboard Confessional, but it isn't, so I'll love him and his mopey-ness anyway.  His arc in the third book is awesome, and "Edd, fetch me a block" is one of the few fist-pump worth moments in the series (2).  Okay, so maybe he should go in "upcoming favorites" but this is my blog and I want him to go in current favorites, so shut up.  Also: that hair.  

Sansa Stark:

Second best hair in Westeros.

Like her bastard brother, Sansa hasn't done much yet except accidentally betray Ned, get treated horribly by the Lannisters, and be awkwardly hit on by her mother's childhood friend. (Gross, Littlefinger, GROSS).  However, I think Sophie Turner has done a wonderful job showing Sansa's transformation from naive little girl to world-weary woman who is rightfully frightened by the people around her.

Arya Stark:

What she lacks in great hair, she makes up in

sheer awesomeness.

If Arya isn't one of your favorite characters, I don't think we're watching the same show.  She's a fierce survivor, and the absolute boss of everything.  Her interactions with Tywin and Jaqen H'ghar are the highlight of the show, no question, although Arya, Hot Pie, and Gendry hanging out together is a close second. (3)  Arya Stark for president of everything, ever.

Rickon Stark:

Rickon's sort of a psychopath.

Rickon's only here because of that scene where he's smashing walnuts like he's killing people.  Bravo, craziest Stark, bravo.

Tyrion Lannister:

Fun fact: Peter Dinklage is also in my favorite

episode of 30 Rock.

Like Arya, Tyrion is everyone's favorite.  He's witty, charming, and just the tiniest bit vulnerable.  His "Those are brave men outside.  Let's go kill them" speech is a great part of an already awesome episode, and Tyrion's interactions with Bronn, Cersei, and pretty much everyone provide some much needed humor in a very bleak series.  You know how I know he's everyone's favorite?  I may or may not have heard some of my friends chanting "Tyrion Lannister!" at a bar like it was a war cry.  Tyrion: favorite of slightly-drunk 20 somethings everywhere.

Cersei Lannister:

Boo, you whore.

I cannot get enough of Cersei Lannister.  Yes, she's horrible, and having an incestuous relationship with her twin brother, and her son Joffrey makes Jeffrey Dahmer seem like a pleasant dinner companion.  But she's basically Regina George, if Regina had the power to murder her enemies.  But Cersei seems sort of aware of the mess she's made (at least on the show; she's more unhinged in the books), and I like self-aware Cersei.  Also, the scene in Blackwater (Season 2, episode 9) where she's telling Sansa what might happen if the city falls is unbelievably good.  Mostly I just enjoy her mean-girling of Sansa, even though I like Sansa, because it makes me laugh.

Okay, that's (finally) it for my current and past favorite characters.  Up next: characters I only sort of like, such as Bran.  Sorry, Bran, but you're boring.

***Spoilery footnotes***

(1)  There's an excellent fan theory that Jon is not Ned's son, but rather Lyanna's (Ned's deceased sister)  with Rhaegar Targaryen (Daenarys' deceased oldest brother and former heir to the throne, before King Robert led a rebellion against Rhaegar's father, and jesus this show is hard to explain).  Since the books are called "A Song of Ice and Fire," this indicates that Jon might be *the* song: he would be part ice (Stark) and part fire (Targaryen).  This makes a lot of sense, because can you really see Ned Stark breaking his marriage vows?  It seems...unlikely.

(2)  One of the men who helped kill Ned Stark (named Janos Slynt) is sent to the Wall.  After a whole bunch of awesomeness and shenanigans, Jon is named Lord Commander of the Night's Watch.  Slynt defies one of his commands and Jon orders him hanged for treason, but then stops himself and it looks like Jon might pardon Slynt.  But then he says "Edd, fetch me a block" and chops Slynt's motherfucking head off.

(3)  In the books, Arya never meets Tywin Lannister, and her whole storyline in the second book is much bleaker.  This is my favorite change from the books, because of *course* Tywin would respect Arya's intelligence and survive-at-all-costs nature, and their wary bonding was a joy to watch.  This change also cuts down on the endless "Arya wanders the riverlands, witnessing atrocities" storyline, which is rough-- and her upcoming storyline is even rougher, so I think this was a wise choice.